Updated: Jan 31, 2021
Today I'm celebrating.
Celebrating is still difficult for me, so it's very much a choice as much as it is a hope. I'm nervous and excited and kind of ashamed all at once.
Today I've chosen to collect my friends and celebrate my first publication, which has been picked up by 3 Moon Magazine (you folks have my eternal gratitude!!).
Social gathering restrictions due to COVID-19 have us limited to 10 people (max!) and outdoor only. It's a chilly -17°C out today. Nevertheless, I've baked cupcakes from a confetti cake mix and asked friends to bring a camping chair, bundle up, and being a thermos of cocoa. I'm going to light a fire as large as I can coax it in our tiny yard and see how things go.
Part of me is terrified that they'll want to hear the short story being published. Part of me really wants them to ask. Part of me thinks that posting my thoughts publically like this before the party means I'm being manipulative and asking for attention.
Not gonna lie - I'm struggling to have any self confidence or even belief that it's okay for something that's so very me to be celebrated right now. It feels like there's this tiny little voice inside of me inside, gasping for breath while the Dragon who Steals is patrolling just paces away.
I know I was built for this. I know I can do this. It doesn't make it easier, but I'm also choosing to leave that discomfort in the hands of the Spirit who is Life itself. When you actively pursue Life itself, then Life increases within you. Heals you. Life is capable of giving strength to my gasping little voice, and I'm trusting that it will.