My last few weeks have been successfully more reflective. I've jumped into a few more endeavours that should make a (hopefully large) difference in my writing progress and healing journey. I feel a little bit like a little girl with a spy glass, and I've zeroed in on my goal.
The first is that I've found a massage therapist who specialises in releasing trauma from the nervous system - it's actually kind of a bizarre experience, because she spends a bunch of time doing cranial work. And some of that looks like just pulling on my ears in various directions. But it's decidedly effective - these past two weeks (after three such treatments) I find myself not only capable but excited to do certain things independently which would have overwhelmed me 6 months ago. Things like going to the hardware store. Or going to church by myself. My energy still runs out quickly, and so I need to carefully plan for ready and recovery after each excursion, but it's so satisfying to feel somewhat capable again.
The second is that I've started to take some psychological advice. It's well-known in the world of psychology and trauma treatment that giving emotional experience some kind of structure removes the power it holds over you. This is why art therapy exists. Expressing the terror removes the shadowy boogie man aspect and makes it identifiable (and therefore more easily managed). Traditional art is not my style, and I'm far too rusty with music to write expressive songs (although I've absolutely considered curating playlists to express a particular emotional experience), so I've settled on short little writing "warmups" which will largely be either poetry or poetic prose. Yesterday's thought dump was one of those.
I think I've decided that this blog format doesn't suit poetry very well. It's perfect for blogs, and does okay for poetic prose, but struggles with poetic format. In going to keep my blog here, but I'm going to be posting actual bits of writing on Medium. If you'd like to follow me there, you're welcome to it.