Wow, I disappeared for nearly four months.
I didn't intend for that.
I buckled in to studying for my licensing exam for the practice of psychology here in Alberta, and (I'm happy to say) passed. So that's done with. But I was so focused on pushing through that I didn't notice how I was doing.
Not great, is the answer. Not awful. But not great.
Turns out putting your nose to the grindstone for so long really takes a toll on your social life, your communication with your spouse, and your physical resilience. I've spent the last 6 weeks in "recovery mode" from that exam (and the study time leading up to it) and am just barely starting to feel like myself again. Except that now my body is reacting to the long term stress, and I'm dealing with fatigue, inflammation, and brain fog.
But, Hubby and I have started doing fun things together again. Not just productive things. I barely have energy for friends, but I'm attempting to go for coffee with someone every few weeks.
Know what's been most difficult about all this? I'm shifting modes. I've been in study mode for a long time, it was a pattern. A familiar habit. And now I need to shift gears. That's not easy for me. I end up feeling extra insecure in all of my relationships and friendships. I get clingy and whiney. I'm a bit of a wet blanket, to be honest.
It's not fun.
And it's a little bit awful to be able to see myself do it and feel incapable of stopping myself. This time around, though, I've been working extra hard at providing my own supports and developing more tolerance for feeling alone. Because, realistically, I'm not alone. I have friends. I have family. Lots of family if you count my lovely inlaws. I know that the isolation is all in my head.
It's just tough when it's so loud.

I've got some new and fun projects on the go, though. Things that will be really satisfying to see through. I'm starting a new group therapy project at work using D&D to help manage social anxiety and develop self-confidence. That group kicks off this week.
And I've got a new recording project in Minecraft that starts in 10 days that I'm so very thrilled for. I get to put my storytelling to use building up the background lore for this event, and it's going to run for 8 weeks.
So. Pieces of my life are being picked up. And honestly? I kind of love how they capture the light.
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